MY VALANTINE SPECIAL

My valentine special

LOVE SONGS WE LOVE TO HATE

1. SONG: “MY HEART WILL GO ON “

ARTIST: CELINE DION

Why, oh why didn’t someone push this shrieking banshee off the sinking ship before she opened her mouth and cranked up this torturous number? ‘My heart will go on….’ What does that even mean? Does her heart want to burst out of her chest and go forth and scream hysterically as it runs far away from her voice? I think so.

2. SONG “ILU ILU “

MOVIE: “SAUDAGAR”

It’s the only song that makes “I Love you” sounds so offensive and downright obscene. And we’re guessing the song writers knew that. Why else would they keep stressing, “ILU ka matlab I Love You, I Love you”, get it? Now get your mind out of the gutter.

3. SONG: “LOVE ME FOR A RESON”
ARTIST: ‘BOYZONE’

Okay, you stupid boy band... who wrote this? Huh? Was it written on a napkin? In crayons? By a FOUR-YEAR-OLD? “Love me for a reason; let the reason be love…” It’s ironical that the line has the word ‘reason’ mentioned in it twice… yet the concept is completely lost.

4. SONG: “HOW AM I SAPPOSED TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU”
ARTIST: ‘MICHAEL BOLTON’

For a while this crooner distracted us with the dead cat that was sprawled across his head. But after he cut his hair, we realized just how much his music sucks. As far as this song goes, good God, pull yourself together. Get a backbone… some song-writing skill would be nice too.


5. SONG: “EVERYTHING I DO “
ARTIST: ‘BRYAN ADAMS’


This is mother of all bad songs. This syrupy, anal song was an enormous hit and made women everywhere swoon. But doesn’t anyone get what Bryan is trying to say? When he picks his nose, When he leaves the toilet seat up and even when he’s umm….. He is doing it all for you (He did say everything)

6. SONG “HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME”
ARTIST: BRITNEY SPEARS

We’ll gladly hit this chickie one more time… or may be a dozen odd times, preferably with a large wooden club and BAAM… knock her out cold. For all you know, it’s probably singing this terrible song over and over again that permanently twisted the poor kid’s mind. (Me)


7. SONG: “AASHIQ BANAYA AAPNE”
ARTIST: ‘HIMESH RESHAMMIYA’

Loosely translated it means, ‘You made me a lover’. And we suppose Mr. Nasal Twang singing the same line over and over again (until the listener has lost the will to live) is the painful price you pay for love?

8. SONG ‘I JUST CALLED TO SAY I LOVE YOU’
ARTIST: ‘STEVIE WONDER’

Good grief, this one reeks of so much sugary content; you’re likely to get a toothache at the end of three minutes. Stevie baby, hang up… hang up now, else we’ll put that telephone wire to good use… as noose.

9. SONG: ‘RIGHT HERE WAITING’
ARTIST: ‘RICHERD MARX’
“Whatever you do wherever you go… I will b right here waiting for you.” What is this? The anthem of the loosers’ convention? Exactly how do you expect to woo her if all you’re going to do is whine incessantly in one place? Honey, she’s not coming back… trust us on this ONE.

10. SONG: ‘NOTHING GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU’
ARTIST: ‘GLENN MEDEIROS’
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. Stop … please stop… here take all our money and our watches too…just STOP THAT NOW!





I JUST CALLED TO SAY YOU SUCK

Play this on ‘his’ voicemail after he dumps you

THE CORRS—‘I never loved you anyways’ Take that, you no-good, miserable, lying, cheating scum ^%$#@!

NO DUBT—‘Don’t speak’
Ah… the angst... The agony...The … hey, will you just shuddup…I’m playing a song here.

RIHANNA – ‘Umbrella’ Not exactly a love song, but play the part that goes ‘Ella… ella…ella…eh… eh…’ in a loop and he’ll be begging for death….. Muhahahahaha.

ALANIS MORRISSETTE---- ‘ You oughta know’ That I’m about to burn your house down and squirt your car with chicken blood. Grrrrrrrrrr…..


THE GOOD STUFF
Now all you need is someone worth dedicating these to ….. Aaaawwwww!! :”>:”>:”>

U2 ---- ‘WITH OR WITHOUT YOU’

ROBBIE WILLIAMS AND NICOLE KIDMAN --- ‘SOMETHING STUPID’

ALANIS MORRISSETTE—
‘HEAD OVER FEET’

SEAL---- ‘KISS BY A ROSE’

A R REHMAN --- ‘DIL SE’